There is something in the project process, which at least always happens to me, that I want to share.
Personally, I consider myself a highly motivated, curious and restless person who is always looking for new things to develop. It is easy for me to start, start and propose. As time goes by, reality (to call the obstacles in some way) gets in the way, unforeseen events arise, changes that we are not willing to accept, issues that exceed us and above all the classic impostor syndrome that always makes its appearance. stellar.
When the idea appears, it comes with a lot of energy, motivation and confidence. But there is always a breaking moment. It can be any nonsense, a no, a comment, a bad day, literally any little thing and everything that you saw clearly begins to blur and the internal voices begin to tell you that you are not enough. The plummet begins, and what made a lot of sense, becomes ridiculous. This is the moment of the crack, between the projects carried out and those that remain only in our imagination. This is where the internal work comes, where you have to stand up and not allow all the learned limits that we carry as our own to get in the way, all the fears acquired from the system, or pay attention to the daily inputs of rss that trigger the comparison and the need constantly creating.
I write about this as a personal discharge. It happened to me many times, too many, always thinking that it was my thing, that I was the only one and since I have also mis-learned to hide my vulnerability, I also swept these insecurities and disappointments under the rug. The concept of what success or failure means, the fear of being wrong, all those words that speak of what should be, even though I think it is very deconstructed, are there. But today I have decided to share it, to change the dynamic, first to defeat it and reread this every time the monsters appear, but above all because in recent times I have shared with many people, very different, from different fields, experiences, ages, studies, desires, going through exactly the same thing. I discovered that it is not my thing, that it is something that we all suffer, even if it seems that it is not.
The fact that we are many people with the same concerns is a point that is reassuring. Knowing that we can also put down our armor, communicate our fears, learn from others, and raise our hand whenever necessary, is the first step in overcoming self-boycott. Become more human at a certain point and not lose direction (or stop chasing dreams) due to insecurities.
This 2023 I prepared my project from another place, knowing that this feeling was going to come. I gathered all my tools, prepared my rituals and most importantly, I learned to rest when I need it in my network, because sharing becomes less burdensome.
So here I am! Going through the impostor's storm, but this time sure that tomorrow the sun will rise.